I have a theory about love magic: most people don’t know how to work it because they don’t know what love is. In the occult world, you generally hear two things about it: “it’s hideously dangerous—avoid it at all costs” or “this is how to do it.” Some public magicians won’t do that kind of work no matter how much money they’re offered. Others specialize in it. Why do such extremes exist? The answer may be that people go to extremes in love and magic because they’re not making informed decisions about how to feel and what to want.
In my opinion, unconditional romantic love is very rare—the kind that wants a partner to be happy with no strings attached at all. Most romance has strings: I want X to be happy as long as X makes me happy; I want to make X happy as long as X signs a paper that legally commits X to serving my physical and emotional needs for the rest of his/her natural life; I want X to be happy as long as X wants what I want; I want X to be happy as long as my friends approve of X; I want X to be happy as long as X is making a certain amount and we’re living in a certain place, etc.
Is it love when a client comes to me and says, “I need to get my ex back”? And I say, “Okay, we can look into that. How long has it been since your ex left?” And s/he responds, “15 months.”
You’ve been sitting at home, stewing, sweating, fuming, calling, analyzing, suffering, worrying, and regretting for 15 months? And now that you’re desperate enough, you come to me and ask for magical help? Why didn’t you come to me after 3 weeks? Ah, it must be because you had to get desperate enough that you were willing to hope that magic wasn’t all fakery and BS. Should I—someone who does this as a professional—feel insulted? Probably.
Instead, I ask the inevitable follow-up question: “Have you spoken with your ex at all in these 15 months?”
“No. But I know s/he still loves me and can’t live without me. S/he just has to realize it.”
Uh-huh. Righto. S/he just has to realize it.
There is a simple diagnosis for your situation: you are deluding yourself. I know it sounds harsh. It sounds like I am heartless, but that is not true. My heart goes out to all those people so confused that they don’t know why they’re feeling what they’re feeling or how to fix things.
The real answer, the difficult yet honest truth, is that someone wasting away for an ex has many strings attached to their concept of happiness and love. They are operating on an “only then will I be happy” model: only when s/he comes back to me will I be happy. Only when I get my way will I be happy. They rarely consider the other person’s happiness. Unconditional love never enters into it.
But I’m not passing moral judgment on anybody. Sometimes, bringing an ex back is the best thing to do because the ex doesn’t know what s/he is doing, either! This is why I do a tarot reading every time. You’ll tell me that your baby daddy vanished after you got pregnant and even though he’s now living with Lana and Donna in the Bahamas, you know he really secretly wants to move back into your broke-down basement apartment in Queens and support you in your time of need. And you might be correct, as improbable as that may seem on the surface. Maybe he just needs some time and space to figure things out. I make no assumptions. And the cards will tell me the truth every time.
So when the cards indicate that it would be a good thing to do love magic, reconciliation magic, or lust magic, I have no problem with that. And I cannot say categorically that it’s good or it’s bad without looking at the particular situation. I’ve brought all kinds of people in all kinds of circumstances together and back together. And it always makes me happy when I can help them work out their differences (and satisfy those “only then” requirements).
When witches (usually inexperienced Wiccans, but I hesitate to generalize) conclude that love magic is 100% harmful and interferes with the will of those involved, I gently point out that it doesn’t always have to be that way. Love magic is like any other kind of magic—neutral in its morality. Like a gun, a scalpel, or a law, it’s a tool. In the hands of a hurtful or stupid person, it’s an evil tool. In the hands of someone skilled, it can save lives.